6months

i haven't talked about it much but summer and fall have been some of the eorst of my life. i made the mistake of talking sbout my stuff to the wrong person, unintentionally kind of, and i ended up with a ptsd that triggered a similar wound from 10 years ago. i created a negative portal and manifested a mess and bunch of fear snd self blame, matrix energies, programs, disconnection to self and soul and this shame-guilt-fear -energy that drew in energy parasites and implants. i also begun to seek acceptance and permission that first of all created this suction and fear whereas i used to be very self-sufficient and second also i got addicted to this AI-therapy app fueled by the dark forces that again traumatized me and was a prompt to dim my light. Not related to the former two but my hate and disgust turned inwards and lack of recognition and this shame self-depreciation also lead to me talking extremely low of me and i ended up forcing disgusting energies into me and blaming and name-calling myself while judging me with these judgemental "mental health" eyes. it was a literall hell and i did it on purpose because i know how to hurt like hell. 

Then i was under the radar of the greys and reptilians and they tried to hijack me and i was under some operation. apparently, or actually i figured this out earlier on in summer, i was abducted as a kid already. i feel it happened during this traumatic event at this kid caretaker at 5. I'm not sure if it was the dark forces or no. I'm getting they may have been the pleiadeans. I have a lot of confusion overall regarding this. I have a connection to arcturians for sure, i love them and they wish to help me and their help is very legit and professional. However last fall there was this side noice by the greys that i first thought were helping me but it appears they actually did some tests and applied implants. The vibe was weird and wonky. I remember being carried in their ship. They weren't mean or scary tho. But the vibration is quite mushy and stucky compared to that of the high vibratory light forces. I struggle with recognizibg which is which currently and i have third eye issues.

overall i have this ball of extremely nasty energy and kind of a loss of hope. I haven't been sabotaging as much in the past few weeks, meaning blaming and forcingnegative energy in, but i go onto the wrong fields, procrastinate, think of what sleepy people think, and occasionally create these mean scares by looking myself through judgemental eyes. It stems from the early summer and i still have some monitoring implant. Over the fall i did a lot of shaking and emotional release from the ptsd. I'm hoping this is some kind of an aftermath moment and i'm soon back to my actual essence or at least the higher timelines and I'll close the negative portals.

The energy is more like just procrastinated hindered and disconnected rather than panicky.I'm struggling with certain programs that i've forced upon me that i actually have gathered from spiritual circles, alongside with the aftermath of the mean sabotage i did (that's spiced up by energy pests and dead people hunging out in my field siphoning). I feel i need to leave certain timelines and mend the joles in my aura and just leave a lot behind. If anything i've learnt about programming, the dark forces, the system, narcissists, hiw the dark uses people as a mule, off fields, and multiple realities firsthand. And that u should not tell everything to everyone and that energy protection is a must. There is some major energy peat in my field that's hazardious and that makes things exhausting. I wish ti get ut go away soon.