no longer allowed

I'm no longer allowed to force myself to be a human, a mammal type, a corniculate, take in the lamp light, use matrix services, explore trauma history, I'm not allowed to help them other than to say which way to go, explore other people's trauma, explore and test out matrix-energies, 
,,
I'm no longer allowed to take up new roles, blame me for spirituality, force what j don't align with or doubt, blame me or doubt, look back

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it was wild

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parrots and snacks

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Entities and mimicry spirits

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I've been trying to figure out what in my field is my me mirroring others on purpose, which are internalized voices (belittling, blaming, patronizing, controlling in any way, shaming, disregarding) and which entities. Currently in terms of entities I know 3. The latest one is this monkey-like creature that mimics other people's worry, fear, sadness, unconsciousness or dumbness and it feeds on my fear and guilt for how much I know about myself. The leak was a traumatizing event in early June. I told way too much to a wrong person that projected her fear and shame upon me. I got ptsd and ended up blaming myself with her voice and just overall thinking about mean and closed-off people judging me for what is my actual core true nature and divine justice. I now have this extremely mean and nihilistic doctor voice that diminishes me and calls me crazy and I mimic the facial expressions, talk, and energy of the  person who gave me the ptsd and in the trauma even idealize her. It's...
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