attack

Im getting this thought attack that started this august when I was very low self-esteem very low self belief ad went into really negative fields so basically I'm under this constant attack from negative people and energies. I see this magnet and some kind of   cone. I have my self attack me (self blame, denying or blaming for emotions or ideas, dragging onto people, taking in negative thoughtforms, mushy thinking and poor boundaries, lack or personal will). Underneath there is this depression and suffocation of my life  force energies. It drags in stuff that makes me feel worse and just depression from the fields I'm at. The carton is this suction kind of a thing that keeps the attack on and it needs to end. Inside the depression is sadness and frustration and the sense of why does nobody get me and believe in me or see me (here) and then this giving into negativity and trying out others negativity and using bad coping mechanism that make it worse, like mentally using the people that traumatized me to ease it out or comfort me, or not not making a clear distinction to leave them out and then there is this endless approval seeking from someone to say what to do. 

I basically went, or let my guard down to the wrong fields and energies and I've been in this hell realm that's not my personal hell, or it's not made out of my traumas but other's and then I have the lack of self-interest and self-trust, the programs and negative or beliefs and low self-esteem of others. The biggest leaks was trying to prove my point to A, trying to prove my point to P, going to far into some family traumas, searching collective energy too much and taking the energy in, trying to get rid of people I feel guilty for no reason, by healing their trauma and feeling their emotions, mixing up their stuff from mine and then doubting, my inner child getting confused about whose stuff is whose and why am I feeling it.and then taking all these collective negative energies and avoiding what I know

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